When you can’t make the hard parts easy
She climbed in the car crying. Again.
I knew better than to ask. My girl needs space to work through situations before she’s ready to talk. Instead we drove to Sonic and ordered cheese sticks and slushies.
When the words began, they rushed out like water from a dam just released.
“Why do they hate me?” she asked, eyes full of tears and hurt.
What do you say? How do you encourage your daughter when she is in the middle of a hard season?
All I wanted to do was wrap her up in emotional bubble wrap and then let loose on the girls who seemed to have made it their life’s mission to both attack and ignore my girl. Neither of those were realistic options. So, I did what comes least naturally to me – I listened.
I became the safe place for her to share the hurtful words and deliberate snubs she faced almost every day. As much as I wanted to tell her those girls were jealous and petty and not worth her time and attention, in my heart I knew she needed my attention more than she needed my advice.
There were important lessons to be learned during her sophomore year – and the lessons weren’t just for her. While she was figuring out how to deal with difficult people, I was reminded that I can’t fix everything for her.
Almost two years removed from those painful days, it’s easier to see how God was at work, how He was stripping away all the things in her life that were keeping her from Him. But we all know: sanctification isn’t easy. And it might be even harder to watch it happening in our children’s lives than it is to experience it in our own.
What can we do when we can’t make the hard parts of life easy for our daughters (or sons)?
In seventeen years of parenting, I’ve learned through trial and error – mostly error, if I’m honest – two things that make the greatest impact.
The first is simply offering my presence. My friend Natalie has often told me that as our children get older, the stakes get higher. It’s true, of course. We are staring down my girl’s senior year, and suddenly life feels very real and scary.
During their teenage years, our kids need us to be there – not with our platitudes but with our presence. Oh sure, there will be times when we need to talk with them about the situations they face. But far more often, we get to be the safe place where they can process and work through their experiences and emotions.
The gift of presence is one of the most important things we give to our children. Don’t ever feel like it’s not.
The second is prayer. I didn’t always know what or how to pray for my daughter. That’s why I started praying Scripture. As I read and studied the Bible, I would shape my prayers for my girl and for myself around what God had revealed about Himself and His purposes.
I’m not exaggerating when I say it was a game changer for me. The more I prayed with His Word as my guide, the more boldness and confidence I felt. And, as I shared this practice with others, I found they experienced the same things.
Praying for our children is one of our greatest responsibilities as moms, but we often find ourselves uncertain about what that looks like and how we should do it.
Raising our children is no small thing. It’s scary and exciting, full of joy and trepidation. But we don’t have to do it on our own. God has given us His own wisdom and insight through His Word. We can study it and learn it and pray using what we’ve read as a guide to lead our daughters into a vibrant, fulfilling relationship with Him as they grow up.
Praying for our girls to trust God during seasons of sanctification is just one of the important topics covered in my new book, “Praying for Girls: Asking God for the Things They Need Most,” now available at LifeWay, Barnes & Noble and major online retailers.
