How do we learn contentment?
“When does a woman become an adult? Perhaps it’s when she stops comparing her life to other women’s.”
I first read those words several years ago. In fact, I’ve shared them in this column before. Written by Linda Dillow in her book “Calm My Anxious Heart: A Woman’s Guide to Finding Contentment,” those two sentences still feel like arrows to my heart.
Far more frequently than I’d like, I find myself locked in the comparison trap. I see what everyone else is doing right and can only determine I’m failing. Maybe you know a little bit about this comparison game as well? Perhaps you have found yourself locked tight in its grip.
The truth is, all of us have at some point looked around and found ourselves not measuring up.
So how do we beat the comparison trap? How do we learn to keep our eyes on Christ and pursue what He has for our lives?
I don’t know a one-size-fits-all answer. In fact, I’m not even 100 percent sure of the answer for my own life. I do know this: the journey toward contentment in my life has been hard. It’s revealed so much about me that I’d never want to share. It’s revealed the ugly parts of me where God is still at work.
One of the practices I’ve found to help me learn contentment is the practice of counting the ways God is moving around me. I try on Sundays to make a list of the blessings in my life the past week – to list the kind words and good books and the generous people who have come across my path. I also list the ways God’s Word spoke to me, the insights the Holy Spirit gave me. And, the truth is, I usually list coffee. I’m unbelievably thankful for that every single day!
But in my life, contentment hasn’t come simply by adding the practice of counting my gifts. If I’m going to learn to be truly content, I have to let go of the comparing myself and my life to others, especially others on social media, where all I see is their highlight reel.
I’m finding that these two disciplines – counting more and comparing less – are both equally important as I seek to be content. As I practice counting the blessings God has generously bestowed, purposefully numbering the gifts in my life, I find there is less time for comparing. The grace of listing what I have pushes away the gravitation toward longing for what I have not.
The words of Paul ring in my head and encourage me always to keep pressing on, keep persevering, keep getting back up – contentment is possible, but only one way.
In his letter to the Philippians, Paul wrote, “I don’t say this out of need, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I find myself. I know both how to make do with little, and I know how to make do with a lot. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being content – whether well fed or hungry, whether in abundance or in need. I am able to do all things through him who strengthens me” (verses 11-13).
We learn contentment. And we only learn it through following the example of Christ. There is no shortcut. But it’s the only way to true contentment. Counting points me to Him; comparing moves me away. And above all, I want to be ever moving toward Him.
