Finding contentment

Last week, we recorded my testimony to share at our church’s Easter Night of Worship.

When Scott asked me about it, I said yes without really thinking about what it meant. For the record, being videoed is pretty stressful. I’m totally comfortable standing up in front of crowd, but me and a camera? Not so much.

A couple of days after we videoed, Scott sent me a still shot from the footage. It was me, mouth wide open in what must have been a huge belly laugh. I was so embarrassed. My big mouth and squinty eyes – all I could see was how ridiculous I looked.

But then I looked at it again, and I realized something—there is joy in that image! When I laugh, I really laugh. And that is good.

This made me think about how often we women can get caught up in all that isn’t right about us and miss out on what is really great. Sound familiar? I’m guessing it probably does.

I’ve been struggling through some things lately – and, honestly, not handling them very well. Earlier this week I was reading James 4, and I got to this in verse 2: “You desire and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain …”

Ouch! You desire and do not have.

Yes. That’s me. It’s not that my desires are terrible, but when I start focusing on myself and what I want instead of God and what He wants for and from me, it gets all twisty inside.

Instead of being content with where I am, I start looking around at others and begin to wish I was where they are.

Here’s the thing. When I come to a realization like that one, I have a choice: stay in the dark, twisty place, or step into the light of grace and truth.

Guess what I’m choosing? Yeah, I choose the light and truth. I kept reading in James 4 and got to verses 8: “Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.”

So I spent some time in prayer, confessing and asking God to renew me, to restore me and to refocus me. It feels good to let go of that weight of comparison, to step into contentment.

Maybe you’ve found yourself in a season like I was in? If so, that same hope and freedom is yours!