Matters of the heart
All this talk of Valentine's Day makes me remember the days before I met my husband.
Before I met Jimmy, I never really had a long-term boyfriend.
I mean I dated a lot of guys, but usually one of two things happened. If I liked them, they'd always dump me, and if I didn't like them, they'd love me.
So, I had my feelings hurt a lot or I'd have to hurt someone else's feelings. Neither side was fun, but they were educational.
I know what it's like to have a broken heart. I have only had one that I would consider devastating.
It was when I was 16. I was head over heels in love with this guy. He'd flirt with me, talk to me, and call me on the phone, but just when I thought I'd get a date with him, I'd find out he was dating someone else.
This went on for what seems forever even though it was only a few months. You know teenage girls sometimes get lost in the chase and that's what happened here.
I was crazy about this boy. The key word there is crazy.
All of this finally came to an end when he broke up with his girlfriend (the one he'd been dating that wasn't me).
I made the mistake of calling him, and he pretty much made me feel worthless.
The words he said cut me like a knife. There I was devastated. I remember the words he told me hurt me so badly that I physically hurt.
I remember crying for several days. I was a wreck. It was my first real heartache, and I wasted in on a boy who didn't deserve it.
I know that sounds nuts but sometimes our hearts lead us to do stupid things like call a boy that you know doesn't like you simply because you hope he'll change his mind.
After I finally stopped crying, I moved on with my life and started dating again.
I'm not going to say I never cried over a boy again, but from that day on, I made sure they were worth it before hand.
While I never dated this boy, he will always be in my memory not because I'm still crazy in love with him. But, because he taught me what love is not.
Love does not hurt. Love does not cause you pain. Love does not make you fill like you are nothing.
Looking back I know I was never really in love with this boy. I only liked him because he wasn't interested.
I say all of this because those who are suffering from a broken heart are not alone. Everyone, I mean everyone, has had a broken heart at least once.
It's the thing that makes us more cautious the next time around.
The thing that makes us appreciate kindness, love and generosity when we finally find it.
Here's hoping all of with broken hearts all the best and for those heartbreakers out there, your turn is coming.