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franklin county times

GOOD MORNING FRANKLIN COUNTY

By Staff
Today is Friday, February 11, 2005. Expect mostly clear skies today with a high of 48 degrees. On this day in history:
1809 – Robert Fulton patents the steamboat.
1926 – Actor Leslie Nielsen is born in Canada.
1936 – Actor Burt Reynolds is born.
1942 – The "Archie" comic book debuts in stores.
1943 – General Eisenhower is selected to command allied forces in Europe.
1960 – Jack Parr walks off "The Tonight Show."
1979 – Ayatollah Khomeini takes over power in Iran.
1990 – Nelson Mandela is freed after 27 years in prison in South Africa.
1993 – Janet Reno is named the first female Attorney General in the US.
VALENTINE OF MINE
Monday, February 14, is Valentine's Day and some of you will go out and get the normal type of gift for your sweetheart. The top selling Valentine's gifts right now are flowers, jewelry, candy, candles, and night wear.
Most folks just aren't normal. By that I mean we all have our little quirks which make us unique. So, if you need a unique gift for an unusual person, here are a few suggestions. I call it my Slightly Less Than Normal Valentine Gift List.
If your Valentine has trust issues I suggest:
The Orbiter Electronic Listening Device – $59.95
The Digital Spy Camera Pen – $59.95
The Pocket Pro-Locksmith Lock Pick Set – $39.95
If your Valentine has time-management issues I suggest:
The G-Force Atomic Clock with big display numbers -$99.95
If your Valentine can't drive or park a car I suggest:
The Motokata Wireless Parking Sensor – $99.95
Dandy Dan's Weekend Driving School – $175
Mario Kart: Double Dash for Game Cube – $49.95
If your Valentine has obnoxious nose and ear hair issues I suggest:
The Sharp Nose and Ear Hair Trimmer – $24.95
If your Valentine has serious back hair issues I suggest:
The Craftsman 18 inch Cordless Electric Hedge Trimmer – $89.95
If your Valentine is an obsessive-compulsive germ freak I suggest:
The Sair Ozone Toothbrush Sanitizer – $34.95
Kimcare Instant Hand Sanitizer – $66.03 per case lot
If your Valentine has Fear Factor issues I suggest:
The TS 223 Stun Gun with pepper spray attachment – $99.95
The above gifts will go great with a personal handwritten card so may I suggest the following:
Valentine's Day is here once more,
And a typical gift is such a bore.
You, my love, are very unique
So the perfect gift I certainly did seek.
With help from the guy at the Franklin County Times,
I bought this gift with my quarters and dimes.
If you're upset with this Valentine's gift,
If you're mad and angry and get in a tiff,
Then don't blame me, blame that newspaper louse,
PARTING SHOTS
A 43-year-old man decided to break into a hospital cafeteria in the town of Karlshamn, Sweden. The man left in a hurry when he couldn't find anything to steal but police had no trouble tracking him down. He not only left his false teeth behind at the scene but another valuable piece of evidence as well. The man had his social security number engraved in his false teeth. If McGruff the Crime Dog can promote the phrase, "Take a bite out of crime," then I guess this crook's teeth took a bite out of crime.
Richard Parker is Minister of Students and Education at First Baptist Church in Russellville. You can e-mail him your comments at RParker@russellvilleFBC.org.

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