Column: Baseball world returns to normal

By By Tony Krausz/assistant sports editor
October 18, 2003
Gallons of water at rock bottom prices. As many cans of food you can carry for pennies on the dollar. Radiation suits available for low, low prices or best offer.
That's right folks, we here at the Rants and Rambles office have returned, and we are practically giving all of this great stuff away as we transform our little space in the world back to a functioning office from the bomb shelter.
Convinced the Cubs and possibly the Red Sox were going to meet in the World Series, the R &R offices took extreme precautions just in case the world was actually going to come to an end.
But thanks to those wacky fish, aka the Florida Marlins, and the evil empire, aka the New York Yankees, we have emerged from hiding to continue our endless pursuit of just having a good time in the world of sports.
So enjoy a few observations from the staff at R &R, as we all try to come up with a viable answer to the mindboggling question: Why does Dusty Baker need wrist bands to manage?
Chicago's finest
Let's begin with a few words from someone a little closer to the scene of the Cubs' latest collapse.
Steve Rosenbloom, Chicago Tribune: "This was the game where Kerry Wood could show he was a money pitcher. This was the game where Wood became Seaver became Morris became Koufax became Clemens became the biggest unit the Cubs could imagine. This was the game where Wood would refuse to let the Cubs be the Cubs. But no. This was the game where Wood got in touch with his inner Cub."
One upping
It is just not truly the end of summer until the city of Boston is once again weeping into its clam chowder because of something awful happening to the Red Sox.
Once again the beleaguered New England squad found a way to blow it, and the team was able to one-up the Cubs in its game seven collapse.
Boston had a four-run lead, Chicago only had a three-run lead; the Red Sox clung to the game forcing extra innings as they melted down late, the Cubs merely gave away their series in regulation time; Boston closed out its season by giving up a home run; Chicago just closed out its season.
Nobody loses like the Red Sox.
Barnyard fixation
A quick newsroom poll, i.e. standing at the door to the R &R office and shouting out a question and waiting for a response, revealed that Chicago is the biggest city in the Midwest.
Yet for some reason, this hustling and bustling metropolis has an odd fixation on animals just generally ruining the city's good times.
A cow starts a fire that burns everything to the ground, and a goat is the cause of all the Cubs hardships.
Isn't there any kind of animal control in the state of Illinois?
Hurry up and lose
Despite all of the chest thumping and "Cowboy up" T-shirts, everyone knew the Red Sox were going to lose. It's what they do.
So couldn't manager Grady Little have just sped up the process by putting Byung-Hyun Kim on the roster for Game 7.
No one gives up a homer like that guy, and we could have all gone to bed sooner dreaming of the match up that has been brewing for at least a decade Marlins vs. Yankees.
Punky up
Before every team in the majors goes out and hires geriatric managers like Florida, let's take a closer look at why the 800-year-old Jack McKeon and the Marlins actually work.
It's the Punky Brewster theory.
Florida is filled with 20-somethings that act like they are still in their teens. McKeon is so old that he remembers where he was when fire was invented.
The Marlins need to go all out and wear different colored shoes in the World Series. Heck, Punky got a good four seasons on the air with this formula.
Or there is theory No. 2 straight from heroic pitcher Josh Beckett: "We might just be stupid enough to win this thing."
World Series prediction: Yankees in five.