• Subscribe
    • Franklin Living Magazine
    • Services
      • About Us
      • Subscribe
      • Policies
      • Terms of use
      • Submit a news tip
      • Submit a photo
      • Birth announcement
      • Birthday announcement
      • Engagement announcement
      • Wedding announcement
      • Submit a Classified Ad
      • Letter to the Editor
    • Classifieds
    • E-editions
    • Public Notices
      • Public Notices
      • Alabama Public Notices
    • Subscribe
    • Franklin Living Magazine
    • Services
      • About Us
      • Subscribe
      • Policies
      • Terms of use
      • Submit a news tip
      • Submit a photo
      • Birth announcement
      • Birthday announcement
      • Engagement announcement
      • Wedding announcement
      • Submit a Classified Ad
      • Letter to the Editor
    • Classifieds
    • E-editions
    • Public Notices
      • Public Notices
      • Alabama Public Notices

Franklin County Times
  • Home
  • News
  • Sports
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyles
  • Obituaries
  • Records
  • Subscribe
  • Services
  • About Us
  • Subscribe
  • Policies
  • Terms of use
  • Submit a news tip
  • Submit a photo
  • Birth Announcement
  • Birthday announcement
  • Engagement announcement
  • Wedding announcement
  • Submit a Classified Ad
  • Letters to the Editor
  • Classifieds
  • Public Notices
    Franklin County Times
      • Site logo
      • Home
      • News
        • Russellville
        • Red Bay
        • Phil Campbell
        • Franklin County
        • Photo Galleries
        • Sponsored Content
      • Sports
        • Belgreen Bulldogs
        • Phil Campbell Bobcats
        • Red Bay Tigers
        • Russellville Golden Tigers
        • Tharptown Wildcats
        • Vina Red Devils
        • College Sports
        • Sports Columnists
      • Opinion
        • Letters to the Editor
        • Columnists
        • Editorials
      • Lifestyles
        • Birthdays
        • Births
        • Couples
        • Food
        • Features
      • Obituaries
      • Records
        • Sheriff’s Report
        • Marriages
        • Land Transactions
        • Police Reports
      • Special Sections
      • Site logo
      • Home
      • News
        • Russellville
        • Red Bay
        • Phil Campbell
        • Franklin County
        • Photo Galleries
        • Sponsored Content
      • Sports
        • Belgreen Bulldogs
        • Phil Campbell Bobcats
        • Red Bay Tigers
        • Russellville Golden Tigers
        • Tharptown Wildcats
        • Vina Red Devils
        • College Sports
        • Sports Columnists
      • Opinion
        • Letters to the Editor
        • Columnists
        • Editorials
      • Lifestyles
        • Birthdays
        • Births
        • Couples
        • Food
        • Features
      • Obituaries
      • Records
        • Sheriff’s Report
        • Marriages
        • Land Transactions
        • Police Reports
      • Special Sections
    Archives
     By  Staff Reports Published 
    11:26 am Saturday, December 21, 2002

    Saint Teddy

    By By Zeke Calhoun / guest columnist
    Nov. 24, 2002
    Zeke Calhoun is Craig Ziemba's liberal cousin from Boston.
    After the disgusting Republican victory in the mid-term elections, my friends and I can find solace in one thing: We in Massachusetts still have Ted Kennedy as our "Senator for Life." Frankly, when Teddy (or any of his family members) is on the ballot, there's no need to hold an election. We, his grateful, loyal constituents, will never forget Camelot, never lose sight of all we have received at his (dare I say) royal hands, and will overwhelmingly return him to power as long as he wishes to rule.
    Truth is, we feel unworthy of the Kennedy greatness and want to do everything in our power to show our adoration for all that Ted has graciously condescended to do for us. We currently are in the process of naming every bridge, road, military facility and industrial park in the state after Ted Kennedy.
    It's not enough that he has enjoyed national exposure and lucrative employment for life. We feel it our duty to emblazon his name across everything in sight.
    Ted Kennedy is the champion of the poor and the defender of women's rights. That's why it angers us so when the press brings up Mary Jo Kopechne or questions the private life of the senator in any way.
    After all he has done to guarantee the right of a woman to have an abortion, how could any woman think of accusing him of sexual harassment? How dare any woman question a man who has done so much for so long for the National Organization of Women? Where would women be without his constant care?
    As if being the benefactor of women were not enough, Ted Kennedy has also become this generation's protector of the poor. Our senator understands that the only way to help the poor is to increase government handouts through welfare, that the only way to improve education is to increase federal control, and that the only way to pay for all of this is to tax those middle class families who voted for the evil Republican tax cuts.
    We in Massachusetts are proud to pay some of the highest taxes in the Union and opposed the recent tax cuts. We don't even look at taxes the way the rest of the nation does. We prefer to think of them as "contributions" to use one of Bill Clinton's favorite terms.
    As long as we are allowed to keep a small portion of what we make, we are happy knowing that the government will have the rest to invest in important programs like the National Endowment for the Arts.
    We don't see Ted Kennedy very often. He's pretty busy in Washington, but occasionally he flies home to ride at the head of a parade or cut a ribbon on some new structure named in his honor. On holidays, he can be photographed shaking hands with Cardinal Law in Boston. No one is more devout than the Kennedys. I wouldn't be surprised if one day St. Paul's cathedral were renamed Saint Teddy's.
    As a lawyer, I feel qualified to become a member of the ruling class myself, and am considering a run for the legislature, but I haven't landed a spot yet on the senator's staff. No one would dare think of running for office in Massachusetts without having first served on the senator's staff, or at least without being an active fund-raiser for the Kennedy foundation.
    My backwoods conservative cousin from Mississippi says it's disgusting the way citizens bow and scrape before their legislators ("kissing the ring" as he calls it.) He's just jealous.

    Also on Franklin County Times
    “OLD GLORY”
    Franklin Living
    “OLD GLORY”
    Jeff Johnson 
    July 2, 2025
    Most of my life I have heard the flag of the United States of America affectionately called “Old Glory.” In my imagination I associated that phrase wi...
    4 cities, towns have contested mayoral elections
    Main, News, Russellville
    4 cities, towns have contested mayoral elections
    ELECTION
    Alyssa Sutherland For the FCT 
    July 2, 2025
    RUSSELLVILLE — Four of Franklin County’s cities or towns will have contested mayoral elections in the Aug. 26 municipal elections. The most hotly cont...
    {"epopulate_editorials_prism":"epopulate_editorials_prism"}
    Participants enjoy ‘Magic of Reading,’ the color of fruits and ballon animals
    Lifestyles, Russellville
    In the Community
    Participants enjoy ‘Magic of Reading,’ the color of fruits and ballon animals
    María Camp maria.camp@franklincountytimes.com 
    July 2, 2025
    RUSSELLVILLE Laughter, wonder and a touch of enchantment filled the Russellville Public Library as magician Russell Davis brought his show “The Magic ...
    {"epopulate_editorials_prism":"epopulate_editorials_prism"}
    Allison tapped to lead Lady Bobcats softball
    High School Sports, Phil Campbell Bobcats, Sports
    Allison tapped to lead Lady Bobcats softball
    Bart Moss For the FCT 
    July 2, 2025
    PHIL CAMPBELL -- A familiar face will be leading the Phil Campbell High School Lady Bobcats softball program next season. Darby Allison, a 2007 gradua...
    {"epopulate_editorials_prism":"epopulate_editorials_prism"}
    FFA students bring home state convention honors
    Franklin County, News, Phil Campbell, ...
    FFA students bring home state convention honors
    María Camp maria.camp@franklincountytimes.com 
    July 2, 2025
    Red Bay and Phil Campbell FFA students, along with a Hackleburg member of the Franklin County Junior Cattlemen, earned state-level honors at Alabama’s...
    {"epopulate_editorials_prism":"epopulate_editorials_prism"}
    Army’s future requires support, encouragement from community
    Columnists, Opinion
    Army’s future requires support, encouragement from community
    July 2, 2025
    “Thank you for your service,” are words I often hear while wearing my uniform in your community. I am grateful to hear those words, but what many peop...
    {"epopulate_editorials_prism":"epopulate_editorials_prism"}
    6 local students accepted into FAME program
    Franklin County, Sports
    6 local students accepted into FAME program
    María Camp maria.camp@franklincountytimes.com 
    July 2, 2025
    Northwest Shoals Community College (NWSCC) has signed 6 Franklin County students to its 2025–26 Federation for Advanced Manufacturing Education (FAME)...
    {"epopulate_editorials_prism":"epopulate_editorials_prism"}
    Darby is denied parole
    News
    CRIME NEWS
    Darby is denied parole
    Bernie Delinski For the FCT 
    July 2, 2025
    MONTGOMERY -- A man serving a 10-year sentence on Franklin County assault convictions was denied parole on June 25, according to records from the Alab...
    {"epopulate_editorials_prism":"epopulate_editorials_prism"}

    Leave a Reply Cancel reply

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

    ❮ ❯
    Latest Local News
    4 cities, towns have contested mayoral elections
    4 cities, towns have contested mayoral elections
    RUSSELLVILLE — Four of Franklin County’s cities or towns will have contested mayoral elections in the Aug. 26 municipal elections.The most hotly conte...
    July 2, 2025
    Red Bay Police can use electronic signatures
    RED BAY – Police can now use electronic signatures for their reports. City council members approved the policy after learning it was a requirement to ...
    July 2, 2025
    Participants enjoy ‘Magic of Reading,’ the color of fruits and ballon animals
    Participants enjoy ‘Magic of Reading,’ the color of fruits and ballon animals
    RUSSELLVILLE Laughter, wonder and a touch of enchantment filled the Russellville Public Library as magician Russell Davis brought his show “The Magic ...
    July 2, 2025
    Rain delays repair projects
    RED BAY – Persistent rainfall has delayed drainage and road repair projects in the city. “You can’t dig when it’s mud,” Mayor Charlene Fancher said re...
    July 2, 2025
    Jars of drugs lead to a local trafficking arrest
    RUSSELLVILLE — A Russellville man is facing multiple drug-related charges, including two counts of drug trafficking after law enforcement located and ...
    July 2, 2025

    More Local News

    Latest Stories
    Jars of drugs lead to a local trafficking arrest
    RUSSELLVILLE — A Russellville man is facing multiple drug-related charges, including two counts of drug trafficking after law enforcement located and ...
    July 2, 2025
    Rain delays repair projects
    RED BAY – Persistent rainfall has delayed drainage and road repair projects in the city. “You can’t dig when it’s mud,” Mayor Charlene Fancher said re...
    July 2, 2025
    Red Bay Police can use electronic signatures
    RED BAY – Police can now use electronic signatures for their reports. City council members approved the policy after learning it was a requirement to ...
    July 2, 2025
    Land Transactions
    May 30 • Tim Horton and Charles Moudy to Kimberly Shay Horton and Timothy Chad Horton, survivorship • Mario Cifuentes Tello to Edilsar Noe Edcobedo Ro...
    July 2, 2025
    Teenager struck by lighting
    RUSSELLVILLE -- A 19-year-old woman is recovering after being struck by lightning while talking on a cellphone Saturday. Emergency personnel responded...
    July 2, 2025
    Latest Sports
    Allison tapped to lead Lady Bobcats softball
    Allison tapped to lead Lady Bobcats softball
    PHIL CAMPBELL -- A familiar face will be leading the Phil Campbell High School Lady Bobcats softball program next season. Darby Allison, a 2007 gradua...
    July 2, 2025
    6 local students accepted into FAME program
    6 local students accepted into FAME program
    Northwest Shoals Community College (NWSCC) has signed 6 Franklin County students to its 2025–26 Federation for Advanced Manufacturing Education (FAME)...
    July 2, 2025
    Junior golfers hone skills through summer program
    Junior golfers hone skills through summer program
    RUSSELLVILLE -- A young generation of golfers teed off this summer at Twin Pines Country Club, thanks to a local effort to create opportunities for ch...
    July 2, 2025
    Belgreen’s Moore earns First Team All-State honors
    Belgreen’s Moore earns First Team All-State honors
    BELGREEN -- Jemma Moore has been named to the AHSAA First Team All-State for softball, becoming just the ninth player in school history to earn the di...
    June 18, 2025
    Maddox retires after 26 years of shaping young minds at RMS
    Maddox retires after 26 years of shaping young minds at RMS
    R U S S E L L V I L L E -- Teaching for Diane Maddox has never been just about grammar rules or reading comprehension, but rather about connection, cr...
    June 18, 2025

    More Sports Stories

    x

    Sections

    • Home
    • News
    • Sports
    • Opinion
    • Lifestyles
    • Obits
    • Special Sections
    • Sponsored Content
      • Home
      • News
      • Sports
      • Opinion
      • Lifestyles
      • Obits
      • Special Sections
      • Sponsored Content

    Services

    • About Us
    • Subscribe
    • Advertise With Us
    • Policies
    • Terms of use
    • Submit a news tip
    • Submit a photo
    • Birth announcement
    • Birthday announcement
    • Engagement announcement
    • Wedding announcement
    • Submit a Classified Ad
    • Letter to the Editor
    • Sign Up For Our Free Newsletter
      • About Us
      • Subscribe
      • Advertise With Us
      • Policies
      • Terms of use
      • Submit a news tip
      • Submit a photo
      • Birth announcement
      • Birthday announcement
      • Engagement announcement
      • Wedding announcement
      • Submit a Classified Ad
      • Letter to the Editor
      • Sign Up For Our Free Newsletter

    Follow Us

    Copyright

    © , Franklin County Times