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franklin county times

How the Gorinch stole election night

By Staff
Every politician down in Washington liked elections a lot
But the Gorinch from Tennessee,
simply did NOT!
The Gorinch hated elections. The whole election season!
Now, please ask me why. I'll tell you the reason.
The poor Gorinch's head wasn't screwed on just right
And I believe that his buttocks were abnormally tight.
But the reason he couldn't accept the election outcome
May have been that his brain was two sizes too dumb.
But whatever the reason, his brain or his tush, he stood there on election night hating George Bush.
Staring at CNN with a sour Gorinchy frown the election returns just kept bringing him down.
For he knew every Republican was shouting with glee
When Bernard Shaw projected he had lost his home state, Tennessee!
Tears ran down his face and dripped right in his mouth as he lost every state in the Mid-West and South.
The welfare states kept the Gorinch in the race.
That is, until Florida did an amazing about face.
The networks had declared the Gorinch the winner of the state.
But a few hours later, CNN said, "Hey Wait!
The tension dragged on until the dawns early light
But finally CNN announced the George W. had won the fight.
The Gorinch had no choice but to
concede the election
Bush should have gotten it in writing, for his own protection.
After hanging up the phone, the
Gorinch began to think,
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
The old Gorinch was so slimy and so slick
He thought up a plan and he thought it up quick.
He called back the Governor and he said with a choke,
concession was a joke."
When the Governor protested, the
Gorinch acted appalled.
The Gorinch hung up the phone and went straight to his work
He called for a recount, that big, smelly, Jerk.
When the recount was finished, Bush had triumphed once more.
Democratic counties is where are focus should be.
Send in an army of lawyers and the bald guy, Daley.
Hanging chads, pregnant chads,
dimpled, or pinched
just make sure they're all counted as votes for the Gorinch."
The Bush camp responded, "This is an unconstitutional Gorinchy plot.
To have Democrats deciding what's a vote and what's not."
But the sleazy old Gorinch wasn't about to abort
He had liberal friends on the Florida State Supreme Court.
Court battles were fought for a month, even more.
Until the U.S. Supreme Court stepped in and settled the score.
The Gorinch's evil plan was foiled at last
His dream of the White House, a thing of the past.
The Gorinch stood there puzzled, "How could this be so?
I've been a Politician since birth. Now, where do I go?"
And what happened then…?
Well… in Washington they say
That the Gorinch's tight buttocks
began to loosen that day!
And the minute that his buttocks began to feel spacious
He address the nation, conceded, and was delightfully gracious.
Some hope that this story had come to an end
That the Gorinch will never be heard from again.
Will he leave us alone? Will he haunt us no more?
Or will the Gorinch come a calling in two thousand and four?
Merry Christmas! 2000
Jim Cegielski writes weekly for The Meridian Star.